Thought for Food

Is there anything more nourishing than imagination?

There might be a wolf at the door.

You might have some customers to entertain at a restaurant in which you serve "menezitti piccolini" (made-up pasta type).

You might be running out of gas, but have just enough to get to the gas station. And then, yell that you want the "cheapest CHEAPEST" gas. (Surely her father's daughter).

You might be in a pretend bouncy house.

You might be on a rocket.

You might have a "monster" protecting your house ...

... While you sleep on a cloud.


No place to be, no one to please, the ideas stretch and explode. The brain, too. Nothing more filling (and full) than an unplanned afternoon.

A Stage

XiaoXiao has been obsessed with being onstage for a long long time. She just found out she'll get her chance in a month, in a performance by her ballet school.

She's thrilled, naturally. She jumped up and down and immediately took to the idea of performing to the audience. This part she got a bit wrong, dancing and smiling to the viewing window where the parents were watching, rather than the front of the room to the imaginary audience.

But she listened amazingly well and worked hard to learn the dance steps.

Then came home and asked an odd question for someone who watches at most 20 minutes a week, "So when can I be on TV?"

One can hope it's just a stage, but I'm not sure.

Love Quantified

It took XX a long time to say "I love you." I don't remember exactly when it was, definitely more than a year after she joined our family and far after she started talking.

Far after what I perceived to be "normal."

At first, the lack of these three words went unnoticed, but then, like a black hole, the absence itself became an entity. I was too busy, too tired to worry, but I began to watch.

No one would say XX is not a loving child. She is genuine in her openness. She greets everyone as if they are long-lost friends. Smiles, hugs, she knows how to love greatly.

But to say "I love you" is different. The words carry her trust.

In this, she is like me. It was John who said "I love you" first. My response was fodder for romance movie horrors -- I said nothing. I probably mumbled when I apprehensively said it weeks later. I ran off the morning of our wedding (I did come back 20 minutes before, however. I do know a good thing).

Love is scary stuff.

I know people can disappear in a split-second. A slip, a blink, a quick turn of the head and someone you love is gone.

XX, too, knows people disappear.

I never say "I'll always be here for you" to XX; we are not always the masters of our lives. But I say "I love you" and "I will always love you" and "I will be your mother forever." Over and over and over. I mean it every single time.

I know she hears because this conversation took place recently:

• XX to Daddy: Hey!
• Daddy: Hay? Hay? Hay is what cows eat! My mommy used to say that to me.
• XX (laughs): Know what my mommy says? (as if John does not know me)
• Daddy: No.
• XX: My mommy says, "I love you!"
  

And she says these words to me almost every time she opens her mouth. That is a lot of times in the course of a day. Seriously, the girl talks a lot. But I hear the sentiment every time, often I hear need. Like me, XX never throws these words away. I even hear "I love you" whispered, sometimes shouted, and sometimes breathlessly hyperventilated in the middle of the night. It's not enough for her just to say this though; she needs the reassurance of me giving back. And when I do, the words and their meaning work magic, she falls into restful sleep.

XiaoXiao has recently started saying "I love you" to her Daddy. It has been almost four years, but she truly means it. We all hear this. These are not just words, they are an expression of her belief that she is a member of this family. Forever.

Her kisses are still rare. John often asks before he kisses her; he's been hit in the nose or chin too many times as she stiffens or bucks in involuntary response. She still offers the back of her head to him, her whole body hunched, unable to openly accept a simple kiss. When she does reach up for Daddy to put her arms around him or kiss his cheek, he notices. She asks to go with Daddy on an errand, asks for him to carry her to bed, asks to sit in his lap as he reads or watches the news. Minuscule yet monumental.

I am lucky. She accepts my unending kisses, she gives a few. She is still, however, much more comfortable with other types of kisses: Eskimo nose rubbing, "butterfly" eyelash kisses against cheeks, touching foreheads and looking into each others' eyes. These we give as we laugh and say we love each other. Kisses are important, though; on hard days, she asks for extra when I leave her at school. I put them on her ears, her hair ribbons or flowers so she can reach up and get them if she needs them. Evenings are full of "I did not get enough Mama time" as she reaches up for a big cuddle.

And there is this:

• XX: I love you, Mum.

• Me: I love you, too.

• XX: I love you more.

• Me: I love you this much more.

• XX. I love you around (her arms mime going around her back).

• Me: I love you twice around.

• XX: I love you FIFTY CENTS!

What could I say to top this?

If this is the superlative, however, perhaps some work on math and finances would be in order.

Swimming Lessons

XiaoXiao started swimming lessons today. She loved them!

She loved watching the "big kids" learn to dive.

Add in an ice cream cone and you have the makings of a great afternoon!

Traveling

XX loves to drive in her car. A plain plastic bin is one of her favorite toys. She takes her kids to school, she takes them to pick up their daddy at the airport, she fills the car with gas. (Must say something about my unplanned career change to chauffeur.)

Car rides are relatively smooth. But those plane rides to China? Bumpy with lots of turbulence. Watch out!

Non-Stop

If you ask XX what this means, she says without hesitation, "Me. I'm a non-stop talker. I LOVE to talk talk talk."

This is true. I'd like to add that the questions at this age also seem to be non-stop.

But she's relentless in all other parts of her life as well.

She begs to help with any job. If I say no thank you, she's still there watching, studying even, for "when." If asked to assist, she jumps at the opportunity. On rare occasion, she might say she'd like to do it later. This is usually fine but when it's not, she immediately stops whatever she is doing and quickly chirps, "okay." And then she helps as if it is her favorite activity. She never gives less than her all, no matter how long it takes. I really need to follow her example more often. Chores would be so much easier if I did them as eagerly and cheerfully as she does everything.

When we fold laundry, she zealously (and often creatively) folds her clothes. Then she puts them in the basket, carries it to her room and puts everything away. The basket is heavy, but she's determined.


She'll come back and carry the rest of the clothes to our bedroom where she'll put Daddy's clothes away. She's been working on putting Daddy's socks into a sock ball and can almost do it. Her hands are still not big enough nor strong enough, but she tries every time and is getting closer and closer.

Her spirit of "try" is fantastic. She is somehow programmed to believe she will love everything. Before any new food hits her mouth, she's smiling and saying, "Mmmmm!!!!!" We've eaten more weird veggies since she's come into our lives as she screams with delight every time she spies something odd in the produce department. We come home with strange-colored roots and leaves, then research how to cook some bizarre food. We call Uncle Ed for advice and give thanks for the Internet.

If she doesn't like something, for instance, mushrooms, amazingly, she'll keep trying. Every month or so, she'll say, "Let me try a mushroom. I might like it this time." And she prepares herself to love it. If she doesn't, she'll just shrug, smile and say, "Well, maybe when I'm older." Who does this? I can say with certainty that I'm not anxious to try escargot again, not even when I'm older. On the other hand, "older" for me doesn't mean more grown up, only closer to dementia. Maybe I won't remember how repulsed I was at those garlicky little squirts.

Her sense of adventure doesn't stop at food. "Let me try" is XX's mantra. Who wouldn't be inspired by such spirit?

We painted the pool deck. It was cold but she never stopped. Non-stop painting with non-stop talking. It's incredible to listen to the running dialogue that accompanies any task.


After that, we walked the dogs. She was tired, but didn't shirk. Even on rainy days, she just pulls on her gear and says, "Let's go! I can drink 'xiǎo yǔ diǎn' (rain drops)!"

When we clean, she vacuums either with her small matching Dyson or my full-sized machine. When we mop, she vigorously scrubs the floor.

When she's not working, she's playing. Non-stop.

Today she and Ariel were "fluttering and flying." Poor Ariel didn't particularly like these wings.

With so much non-stop effort, don't be surprised if you look up one day and see XX soaring past.

Happy Easter!

For the first time, well, since we were kids, we celebrated Easter with all three sisters and our families. XX was extremely excited (if I say this a lot, it's probably because this is the state in which four-year olds live). She wanted to see the Easter Bunny to talk to him and in this, I'm sorry to say, we failed. We took her but the line was too long, so she rode the carousel instead, though at least on the Easter Bunny. This was marginally okay.


I'd planned to take her to see old EB the next day, but she was sick, so we missed not only the Bunny, but a party. This was tough, she LOVES parties. Who doesn't?!

Still, XX was sure she sighted the Easter Bunny on our walk. We saw a man with his Corgi and XX cried out, "Mum! It's the Easter Bunny!" I said that yes, it did "look" like the bunny, but it was a dog. I got a matter-of-fact reply that, "It doesn't LOOK like the Easter Bunny, it IS the Easter Bunny." The dog's owner was pleased and walked off smiling broadly.

She woke up three times after going to bed Saturday night to ask if it were yet Easter. When at last, it was, she was pleased to find that the Easter Bunny had left her everything she loves: some eggs with stickers, penguin balloons and wow, even some candy. Somehow the Bunny knew she liked sour foods, so he left her some little sour candies, he knew she liked chocolate so he left her some malted milk eggs. About these, she reported, "There's ICE CREAM in here!!!"


When everyone arrived, there was plenty of food. As usual, Aunt Steff was first in line.

Carver was kind enough to set up the Wii for us, though he mostly stayed glued to his laptop.

Sebastian and Uncle Jim had a good time playing.

Sebastian also had a good time on his DS while XX bothered him. The two seem to like this chair, perhaps because it was YeYe's.

This photo is from yesterday ...

... and this is from three years ago.

Daddy and Uncle Dave watched and cheered on the Wii players.

We finished up by Skyping with Brad and Steph. Can't wait to see them again, hopefully this summer.

A day of family, as it should be. XX is already looking forward to next Easter ("a year is not so long, Mum").

Me, too.