The Sweetest Sound

"Mama?" Called softly without fear at 10 pm. Formerly, this hour signified heart-stopping shrieks -- "NO!" or "Don't leave me!" or "MA!!!!" The worst for me was the time she was sitting up, holding her "dà xiàng" in front of her to ward off whatever it was she perceived to be a threat. I have never seen her so terrified and yet, she was dead asleep. I touched her, said I was there and she collapsed into a sleeping, but troubled puddle.

Yes, I wept. She arrives every morning cheerful and unaware of the nightmares, but these memories shove against my efforts to diminish them. My only weapons are my open arms.

But tonight, there was just a sweet "Mama?" that still had me running my fastest down the hall. She needed a hug, but no more. I think she might have been fine without it (but no need to test this). A "love" and she was back to contented sleep.

The sweetest.

A Whole Week ...

... without getting in trouble!

(Not too much trouble anyway.) XiaoXiao managed to make it through five days at school without being sent home. It's a miracle.

What's more, she's slightly changed at home. She's becoming thoughtful. She's not yelling "NO!" as a first response. She's sleeping more politely even. That is strangest of all to me. The monster in her has been tamed somewhat. Exuberant as ever (as they say at school, "On a scale of 1 t0 10 for extroverts, XX is at least a 15"), my daughter is finding her inner sweetness. Consideration for others is becoming more organic. Yay!

Her teacher says that amazingly, XX is the one child that all the others want a hug from before she leaves. They all adore her, even after her hitting and kicking period. They watch out for her on the jungle gym, they make sure there are less sugary snacks for her to choose and fix (perhaps this is self-preservation on the part of these kids).

Corrections at home are met with an, "Okay," rather than, "I don't want to!" or "NO!" Even when the admonitions come from Daddy. She's been ultra-loving with him lately.

Maybe she's just getting ready to turn four. Who knows? I'll probably still brace myself for a phone call at around 10:30 every morning next week, but if we got through five days, maybe we'll get through six, then seven, then eight. The possibilities are endless.

Good Stuff

Got through school well today. I have no illusions about her having transformed into an "easy" girl, but one step at a time, one class at a time.

More good news is that she's sleeping better. Instead of yelling quite so much, she sometimes sleeps through the night. And twice she's said, "I love you, Mum." I repeat back to her, then look over to see she's talking in her sleep again. Talk about putting a smile on my face!

(I have also heard her say in her sleep, ever so sweetly, "We say 'May I Please?'" Working on her manners 24/7!)

She's been listening to some random CDs that my dad had. One day she picked out Frank Sinatra. When I said later that we had to go, she said, "Okay, but I have to put this on 'pause.' I need to listen to this song. This one. I love it." So I asked if she knew it and she said no, but she loved it.

I asked if she knew who else liked the song, "Three Coins in the Fountain," and without hesitation, without sadness, and quite matter-of-factly, she replied, "YeYe." She pushed "pause" then ran off to get ready to go.

Then the other day while riding in the car, she asked me, out of the blue, "Do you know what makes YeYe happy?" We don't talk about Dad a lot, but of course, she must feel his presence in this house. Still, it throws me when she brings him up.

"No, I don't know what makes YeYe happy."

"Squash."

My immediate thoughts were that my dad did not like squash but learned to eat it when my mother said the kids would never eat it if he didn't.

"Squash makes YeYe happy?"

"Yes! He's happy that I like to eat it!" Which she does.

And today, we watched Ariel dreaming. She asked so I told her that it was Ariel thinking in her sleep. "Oh! I think when I sleep, too."

"What about?"

"YeYe. He says he loves me." Which he does.

Good stuff.

Family

We went to John's family reunion this weekend. We were gone three days, two of which were spent in cars and on planes, but the fun was so worth the travel time.

XX always loves the dynamics of big groups, the bigger and noisier the better. There may be bigger, but certainly not noisier groups than this family. XX more than held her own.

When I first joined this family, there was one older generation, all of whom are now gone. This is the next layer:

Big families mean that generations get spread out, so while XX and Lena were first in the group photo of the kids:

Someone realized they actually belonged in this generational layer:

There was tons of talking, laughing and eating. Too much fun for a weekend, we wished it had been much much longer (though perhaps our bellies would not agree). Juju and Nancy put on some good eatin' and even better hospitality. We felt warmed and welcomed.

We also had time for a day trip.

Today would have been Dad's 80th birthday. I think he would be happy to have had us celebrating the joys of family as that was what was most important to him.

Can't wait until the next reunion!

Home

As in "sent home." From school. At age three. That's my girl.

For pushing a teacher. Not angrily, not meanly, but, big surprise, bossily (which could be interpreted to be angry or mean, but in XX's case, it's just bossy and out of control).

So I had to pick her up and we had yet another talk, but I've changed my tack again. We're going with the "be a good example to the little girls" route. It seemed to strike a deeper chord.

We'll see. We've put thinking on hold this weekend.

We're now at a family reunion where XX is getting lots of attention and stimulation. It's a pretty loud, rambunctious and loving family so, guess what? XX is right at home.

Painting

If you come to our house, be prepared to drink out of odd, mismatched glasses.

Our Other Kids (for Kimba)

This is how our furry children are doing here.


Boris couldn't be happier. He has a yard so he can run free, but it's fenced in so he doesn't have to worry about protecting or patrolling as he's not really an alpha (though he likes to pretend at times).

Ariel doesn't like to go outside much unless Mum or XiaoXiao are there, too. But when she does, she thinks the hot cement is the best. This is her on the day it was 108 degrees. Bikram yoga for dogs.

She loves the lemongrass, eating some every day. Boris rubs himself in the rosemary bush. He's much better smelling than a few months ago when he ran into a skunk.

I never would have thought a fenced-in yard could be so wonderful.

Quesadillas

Forever my fave. With these as a snack, XX had a better day.

I came to pick her up and saw her listening to her teacher. How lovely. Her teacher told me later that XX had done much better and also that XX was tough because she is soooooo smart.

But I see that as usual, XX has claimed her place as favorite. Survival of the greediest. She sits on one teacher's lap for stories, she is always holding a teacher's hand, and another teacher gives her balloons when the other children have gone in to lunch. My child knows how to work the system.

I do enjoy seeing that while the Mandarin teacher explains to the other children in English, she only uses Chinese with XX. And XX responds.

We'll be okay. As long as we have cheese.

One

Today was one of those days. You know from the beginning it will be tougher for your child. She's as cheery as ever, just a bit more belligerent.

When we picked her up from school, we saw XiaoXiao arguing with her teacher. XX's head was held high and when her teacher pointed to the bench, XX marched over and sat down.

For a moment.

Then she popped up and ran back to the front of the line.

The teacher shook her head, and pointed to the bench. XX thrust her chin up then sat.

When the door opened, XX ran to get in first. Ever the troublemaker.

Poor Daddy.

When we later asked how the rest of her day was, she said, "Good. I did not hear my teacher say 'don't hit!' so I must have been good."

We asked why she didn't listen to the other teacher and she said, "I don't know. I think I wanted to hear her say, 'Don't do that.'"

(I can see Kimba cringing.)

We're not sure if the snack time is a problem. The days she's been worse, she's had snacks we generally don't give her and there is no mid-morning milk, which has always been major for her.

So I casually asked, "What did you have for a snack today?"

"A raisin, Mum. Just one teeny tiny raisin. I did not want to get too crazy. They looked good, so I did take a 'xiao' one, but then I ate crackers so I would not get crazy."

Obviously her efforts went unrewarded, but oh, I wanted to cry. If only we all tried this hard.

Week One

We all made it through the first week of school. Thankfully, the holiday meant it was a short week.

XiaoXiao managed to get a time-out by Day 4. Yes, in a Montessori school, my daughter got a time-out. What an overachiever! We're hoping it's the newness and that she'll settle in.

Settle in, but not down. I do love that spunk and my biggest fear about this school is that she will turn into a quiet, always obedient girl (highly unlikely). I adore and admire the spirit in my little sprite.

Watch XiaoXiao in the backyard and all is well. She is a joyous child, a blissful baby, a magical creature.

I have high hopes for the coming week!