Goodbye, 2008

With a huge sigh of relief, I bid farewell to this year.

The losses feel far heavier than the gains. Still, I know that while Dad would have a hard time looking at the bright side these days, he would also be advising all of us to look deeper and be thankful for what gifts we have been given.

And so, a few of my gifts:

A new baby cousin.

Closer ties with many family members.

A wonderful after-Christmas with our Friends who have long outgrown that title and become Family.

Aunty Kimba with two girls. A glimpse into the not-so-far future!

Kyra and Ariel

And every day, the child I dreamed of for so long surpassing every hope and wish I have ever had.

When I put XX to bed tonight, we talked, as we always do, about our day and about the day to come. We also talked about having good dreams so we don't scream and yell in the night. (I am ever hopeful of attaining that uninterrupted 8 hours.)

I asked what she might dream about that would be good.

"Horton." She has no idea what the story is, but she loves elephants so yes, this would be a lovely dream.

"Good! What else?"

"And YeYe. YeYe is a good dream."

Wishing you good dreams and a Happy 2009.

Remiss

Apparently, I've been remiss in teaching the whole Santa deal to my daughter.


She woke up this morning and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Mum! Let's go see Rudolph!"

She fully expected Rudolph to be waiting for her by the tree. Santa didn't interest her that much. The stockings weren't that big a deal. She wanted to see Rudolph.

I haven't wanted XX to believe Christmas is about presents. We've tried to make the holiday about giving, not getting. Santa doesn't bring her "stuff" she wants, he doesn't bring her "stuff" because she's good. I don't want her to be good one month a year. I don't want her thinking that being good will get anyone, never mind old men, to give her "stuff."

So we've not gone there. I don't think we've been crazy about this. Just not made a big deal about the Santa and presents part of Christmas. It'll happen soon enough, I'm sure.

And for now, XiaoXiao was most excited about the fact her amaryllis and the Christmas cactus opened on time. She made presents for the people she loves. She adored the fact the family was here for Christmas Eve.


This morning, when it was time to open the presents, she was ready. She picked out three presents she knew were for her and put them out. Then waited until her brother Brad had his coffee. She opened one, oohed and ahhed, then, like a bullet had hit her, she remembered something.

"Mommy? Do you want to open your 'hei tuo xie' that's a secret?" She ran to get the black slippers she had told me about the moment she and Daddy chose them. She really wanted to share the opening pleasure and presented proudly.

(My other girl, Ariel, too, shared. She chewed on the bone Santa left her, and then put it in my lap. I pretended to take a bite, then gave it back. Ariel wagged her tail in ecstasy, then took the bone to chew on the rest of the morning.)

We never got to all XX's presents. She was overwhelmed pretty quickly, so she and Brad played instead. Isn't that what Christmas is about anyway? Enjoying, really enjoying the time with family?

She can open the other presents later. The holiday couldn't have been more full for this girl.

Remiss you a Merry Christmas!

Isabelle

Could there be a better Holiday present than this?

Healthy, happy, lovely. Still giving her parents a bit of stress, but oh, nothing they can't handle.

The happiest of Holidays for all of us.

Ahhh....

XX finally got through both ballet and ni hao class by herself this week. Not without much, much anguish, however. She got a time out in ballet (though the head of the school noted that it didn't seem to phase XX at all and so any discipline would be pretty hard). And she cried hard in ni hao playgroup for over half the class. When she finally settled down, she took over, calling out answers before anyone else, sitting in the front right by the teacher. And then at the end, during the "review" she ran around like crazy, not listening.

Still, progress of sorts.

The crying at night has returned full-time since then. She's in our bed more than out, mostly wrapped around my neck if not on my chest. So I'm not sure if it was good or bad. Especially with a two week break coming up.

But she was proud of herself and I was proud of her. So we'll go with the two steps forward mindset.

We had a lot going on the past week or so. Lots of baking. No little feat for me. I'm no Wendi.


Tree decorating. We went with lights and tinsel, a few candy canes and some gingerbread cookies. She broke the topper twice before it even got onto the tree so I decided that Grandma and Grandpa's vintage glass ornaments could wait another year. Or ten.

We had snow. XX helped Daddy shovel the walks.

She made gifts for friends and family. She told Daddy immediately what his present was and ordered him not to talk about it. She told me what my present was and when Daddy said, "XiaoXiao! It's a secret!" she replied, "I know. I have to tell Mommy the secret because I love her." She's very excited about the fact that her amaryllis will be fully open (we hope).

She's in bed, the stockings are, if not stuffed, not empty, and Ariel's had Rudolph's carrots and Boris had Santa's cookies. It's been almost two hours without a night scream from upstairs, so ...

... ahhhh ....

Again With the Stockings

The first year XiaoXiao was home, her stocking had a "J" on it for Joss.

By last year, she was firm about being called XiaoXiao and wanted to know why her stocking did not have two "Xs" on it. So ...

This year, she wondered why Ariel had a paw stocking and she did not. She also thought it would be a good idea to have her characters. So ...

What can we possibly look forward to next year?

Good Girl

You know that stereotypical Chinese girl who is smart and obedient and quiet and listens and is all-around, the perfect student?

Where is that child?


Smart, for sure, and therein, her teachers tell me, is part of the "problem." She's getting the info on the first go-round and then doesn't see why she should sit for repetition.

I'm out of the room of both her classes about half the time now. After an initial panic, she seems comfortable enough, in fact, she got her first timeout in ballet this week. As usual, she was running joyfully around the big room only stopping to check herself out in the mirror. She was anywhere but where the teacher asked her to stand. I try to leave the room before this gets going full speed because it's humorous and I can't help laughing. I don't recall reading that this is appropriate parental behavior and I'm always glad Brad isn't with me watching, because he and I would be crying with laughter.

Sometimes, I think her failure to follow direction is because physically, she can't quite manage the complications of jumping one foot to one foot or in specific directions.

But mostly, I'm coming to see, that it's not a question of physical ability or even listening ability. She's choosing deliberately to ignore.

Another little girl in her class likes to point out constantly that "XiaoXiao's over there," or "XiaoXiao's not listening." The class clown and the tattletale.

Last week, XiaoXiao got in a wand fight with another girl, the two of them somewhat happily trading swats instead of waving nicely to "Nutcracker." I gave my best horrified look, but it was funny and I fear a snorting guffaw came out of my mouth first. Bad mommy.

Her ballet teacher has nicknamed her "shimia" or monkey in Italian if that is any indication of her behavior in class, but also admitted that XX is her favorite. The girl knows how to work the cute factor and after misbehaving all class, she gives her teacher a hug and says, "Thank you! See you next week!"

Yesterday, I got a scolding from a Chinese grandmother who brings her rambunctious grandson to Mandarin playgroup. This boy is in the timeout seat more than he's out, but yet, I'm the one who got a lecture from his PoPo. According to her, I'm to just leave and let XX cry for three months if necessary. (Note: this tactic did not work for us. XX cried so hard and so long and piteously that the teachers said that it would be better if I stayed. Our SW agreed so I am easing out rather than cold turkeying. So it goes two steps forward, one back, one to the side and then lots of twirling ...)

The teachers also got a tongue-lashing from Grandma for not having control of the kids (only one child is "good" in this class). However, an observing teacher asked XX after Mandarin yesterday a bunch of questions and then told me, "She's got it all. She might not look like she's paying attention but she knows." The regular teachers tell me that XX is speaking to them in Chinese during the class. They love her.

The thing is, most of the time, XX is a really good girl. She helps me with every household chore and works hard and long. She's always happy. She shares, she helps other kids, she's compassionate. It's just that in class, for some reason, she gets crazy. She adores her classes but often tells me before, "I might listen, but (shrug) I might not." She grins and I'm sure she'll be fine. And she is. Her behavior is not.

I'm of two minds about this: Of course I want her to be a "good girl." But I also want her to know how to listen to herself, to question authority on occasion.

I just wish her presumably loud inner voice said to behave once in a while.

Performing

Dad always said that this girl was definitely our child. She uses anything, a stepstool, a piece of cardboard, as a stage.

I love watching her dance. So free and happy, some of the the most beautiful dancing I've ever seen. Not a scrap of what she's learned (or rather, ignored) in her ballet classes, but lessons aren't always needed for true expression.

Her singing is coming along, too. There are no words, she's "just singing." As in everything she does, there is much emoting, more volume.

Pitch is highly overrated.

Lessons

I know this happens for every kid. They're told they're cute or pretty or handsome and so they start to think that being cute or pretty or handsome is good and that it is important.

XX said to me recently, "I look cute like this." I've seen some of the girls in her classes that are scarily not only aware of their looks, but take it to that whole 90210 level of import. XX remains sweetly naive, but still, it seemed time for a lesson.

We said tonight that cute was good, pretty was good, but ultimately, not the most important qualities one can have. And when someone says, "Oh, you're so cute" (which happens on a daily basis), what XX can say back is, "Thank you. But more importantly, I'm a good girl." Or "I like to learn and I work hard and I can run and jump."

XX thought about this and said seriously, "Or I can say, 'Thank you. But I also have a lot of shoes.'"

Clearly, I'm failing in my parental duties.

Haircut

I've been avoiding cutting XX's hair mostly because I've been afraid that if I cut off the curls, they wouldn't come back. And I love those curls.

But it was time, so we did it today. We'll see how it grows out. I probably should have taken her to someone who could deal with children, Asian hair and curls. Each a "problem" in itself. Oh well.

It's still curling, but I had a really hard time getting a picture. As XX tells me, "Sometimes I'm XiaoXiao, but mostly I'm a goofball."

Fun

It's that time of year when there are outside days ...

... and inside days.

Halloween

It was a pretty exciting day around here.

XX could not wait to carve a face on her pumpkin with Big Daddy.


She said she wanted a goofy face. Daddy obliged, pulling pumpkin "snot" from the nose and pumpkin "meat" from the teeth with his Leatherman.


And the Trick-or-Treating was incredible. I took a little video, but was so excited myself, I got the camera turned the wrong way. I'll spare you.

The dogs got to participate as well. Boris loves his bandanas, but not costumes. He was miserable.


I think Ariel enjoyed being a bunny ballerina, especially the tutu. Both dogs also got some treats. (We live in a doggie area.)


XX also had her first chocolate today. She was given some candy at the bank, I said she could have it after lunch.

She came home, put it down and never looked at it until after lunch.

When it came time, she was entranced by the letters on it. She ate it slowly, deciding to put on some music, then dance, then play. After what seemed like a long time, she pronounced it "hao chi," and promptly said, "I need more broccoli." So she had more broccoli, then soup.

The stash after the t-or-t'ing was a whole lot more wondrous. Each piece got picked up and examined. She chose several pieces to try, mostly based on color. "Hong se!"

Some of it got spit out into my hands, "Not 'hao chi,' Mum. 'Wo bu yao.'" (her fingers are in her mouth again, perhaps signs of the last tooth?), some of it was enjoyed, and she ended with a favorite - three tiny pretzels. The rest got put away because she said she had had enough. Her restraint is amazing.

She loved handing out candy to the trick-or-treaters who came to our door. This was just as exciting, in fact. She finally told me she was tired and wanted to go to bed, but to get her up if more people came to the door. (We didn't.)

Hope you had as memorable a day.

She's so ...

... Twyla? ... Savion?

I don't know what she will be when she grows up. I rather doubt it will be a ballet dancer, she's a bit too wildly uncontrollable and, ahem, outspoken. Though with these perfect feet,

and these long perfect legs,

I am sure she would be fantastic.

Today, she danced in a totally new way.

I love her freedom and abandon. I love that the music inspires her movement. I love that she falls and gets right back up. Balanchine said that meant a dancer was really pushing her limits and potential. That's my girl.

She's so XiaoXiao.

A Tiger

For the past, almost three weeks, this is who I have been spending my days with:

She rides her bike.

She walks Ariel.

She eats.

She goes to the zoo.

With her small lao hu.

Seeing the tiger at the zoo, was so exciting, she could not stand still. (Mind you, we see the tigers every visit, but it's always wonderful.)

On the rare occasion I can wrangle the tiger outfit off to wash it, she puts on her ballet costume.


Sometimes she combines.

Her classes are going well. I am still in the room, but she's confident enough to do the class by herself. She sings loudly (and somewhat off-key) in ballet class; when she's really excited, she runs around in circles (is this where the phrase came from?) prompting the other children to follow until the teacher asks them all to settle down. She runs so hard and out of control, she's always slipping and sliding and screaming joyfully. Her teacher and I often exchange looks before laughing out loud.

XiaoXiao calls out that she wants to be next, if not first, for everything. Her "ni hao" class is the same. When everyone is in a small circle, she is running wildly around the room in a "da quan quan."

Today we went to a neighborhood party. There were a lot of kids and it was loud, a bit overwhelming for XX at first. She stayed close to me and watched. For a little while.

When it came time for the limbo line, guess who did not follow the "get in a line" command?


The clown somehow did not know how to deal with this, and tried to point her to the line. XX would not leave until I went to get her and set her with one of the older girls. Poor Ingrid was in charge for less than a minute as XX dragged her through the line, again and again and again.

There was dancing on bubblewrap.



Later, the clown gave out stickers, again asking that everyone get into lines. Notice the small tiger trying to get her sticker first. This time, the clown ignored her totally.


Don't think, by the way, that XX does not understand about waiting in lines or waiting for her turn. She waits with me at the post office, the bank, or waits herself in ballet class (not gracefully or quietly, I admit). But she was too excited today so again, I guided her to the line where she waited, jumping up and down. When the clown asked her which she would like, she called out, "Da xiang!" To her disappointment, there were no elephant stickers.

John and I noticed that no matter how many new kids appear in the area, XX always seems to be the smallest. Last year we had about 7 babies born within 6 months of each other, and they are now all bigger than XX, too. She's growing by leaps and bounds, but I guess everyone else is doubling that. Obviously, this doesn't hold her back. She is a tiger, costume or not.

Afterwards, there was a "parade" where everyone marched around the block.


And after that ...