Peanut

This is what they do while I'm blogging and packing for the day and straightening up the room and doing laundry and washing bottles and so on....

You can sort of see how tiny she is when she's next to John. He looks ridiculous holding her sometimes, because she's such a peanut. She's small even in 3-month sized clothes. And that's Chinese 3-month (slightly smaller than American). One of the other families gave us some socks they had and they fit Joss. Sized for newborns. I'll have to get newborn sunhats for the summer. Infant size is far too big.

But other than a bit of a size issue, she's perfect. Long fingers, long toes, long legs, and the prettiest little arched feet. When they took footprints (this counted as the baby's "chop" or signature) for the adoption, hers came out with a very high arch. The officials oohed and ahhed. (Me too!)We had a fairly easy day today. Of course, since it was outdoors activities, it was raining. Not that great for babies, but oh well. We are lucky that all the babies in our group are healthy.

We went to the zoo where Joss loved the monkeys and the seals. We all decided to skip the park as it was really raining hard, so went to lunch a bit earlier.

The wait staff all loved Joss and she loved the attention! At one point, there were 7 girls hovering around this baby.

After that, we all went back to the hotel. Joss and I sat and played and talked, but John had lost part of a tooth filling two days ago. He and our adoption facilitor went to see a dentist. John got his tooth filled and checked out, in the best hospital around, for under $10. Since he had been given an estimate of at least $1800 before we left the US, he was ecstatic at the price. Oh, and of course, saving the tooth.

And this evening, three of the five families got together to taste wines that the dads bought at a local grocery. We are traveling with a great bunch of people, so it was a lovely evening. I think the mothers actually did "taste" the wine as we all had our eyes on the babies, but the dads did a good job finishing up the bottles.

The nice thing was that Joss got to play with the other children. I don't think she's had much, if any, opportunity to play. She watched the other babies intently. She is the youngest, but, ulp, the loudest. It was so nice to let these kids bond a little with each other as our families will always be bonded by this experience.

We had ups and downs. The anger and tantrums are lessening. The only tantrum we had was when she wanted me to hold her when we went out and John thought he would give my back a break. Probably broke his eardrums by helping me out.

But other than that, there was fussiness and crying, but not the out-of-control screaming. I was able to put her down without it being a major catastrophe. Definitely enouraging.

On the other hand, today was the first time I saw real grieving from this baby. You have never seen sadness until you have seen a baby moaning softly with her face in her arm. I know she was missing her foster mother. I think that every time she wakes up and sees me or John, her heart must drop. Yesterday, she might have realized she is not going back. I don't know. But I know she was sadder than you think humanly possible.

The family of the 21-month old said they woke up yesterday and found their daughter at the edge of the bed, back to them, sobbing very quietly. Otherwise, she presents a happy, willing face, but she had her moment, too. I'm sure the other families have witnessed their girls' despair as well. Talk about being helpless.

But the girls all are coming along. The dads are finding they can now hold their children, or make them laugh. John was able to nap on my bed next to Joss and have her wake twice, see him and not get hysterical. Huge.

I know this isn't always the case, but with our group, the fathers are really having a harder time breaking the ice with these frightened girls. So being able to carry or pick up a baby is big progress on this long long trip. And nice for the moms' aching biceps!

Curious Baby

Don't you just love that smile! The only thing is, the flip side of this smile is an unbelievable temper! She screams, no shrieks! if she doesn't get her way! It's amazing how much sound can come out of a rib cage that is no more than 5 inches across.

But it's wonderful. I wanted a fire-y child and I got one. Boy, did I get one! No one's going to overlook her, even if she is the smallest baby in the hotel (at least 30 adoptive families from all over the US here and they all know "the little baby." No one's rude enough to say with the loud voice, ha ha).

We went to the Museum of Natural History today. She loved it. I think she was the only one to actually look at it all. It's pretty crazy to watch a 9-month old as she looks at the dinosaurs and laughs, or tries to touch the butterflies, or looks floor to ceiling at a wall mosaic. What's going on in that tiny head?

At least here she can touch! Everywhere else has tiny handprints on the glass.

John in front of the Teng Wang Pavilion with a Fu dog (our Ariel!)

The Teng Wang Pavilion. It's been rebuilt, but was originally done, oh, I don't remember. Long time ago. My brain has gone to mush. (Rice cereal, I mean.) Definitely can't be remembering numbers when I have to remember to take diapers, wipes, powder, bottle, Oatios, teething ring, antiseptic lotion, cameras, passport and so on! (Did you know an American passport is worth around $30,000 in China? Mine, with Chinese face and name, over $40K.) John's been holding onto mine since I'm slightly distracted these days.

White jade etching in the Pavilion. It tells a whole story, most of which I missed since Joss decided that was when she wanted to have some "ba."

Us at the top of the Pavilion. Not our first family photo (the first was for the adoption certificate) but the first with all of us looking like human beings. Sort of.

If Joss keeps up her schedule, we'll come home looking like zombies! She wakes every hour. The other 9-month old is doing the same thing, and also won't let her mommy out of her sight, so we don't feel too terrible.

She's a lot of work, but so much more fun. People in China love babies. They make a point to tell us, through our translator, that Joss is very beautiful. Ha! She's going to be a handful for some man later on. We were out in the streets shopping and she reached right for a pretty pink dress, then for Daddy's money when he took it out, and later for another mother's diamond ring. She knows what she wants!

She peed on me this morning. She pulled the tablecloth and spilled tea over us both yesterday (and laughed). She screams her tiny lungs off one second, then laughs the next when you pick her up. And LOVES looking at herself in the mirror! That's her favorite thing to do. Think we have our work cut out for us?

It'll be the best and most important job we could ever take on.

Quick Note

Just a shortie, during a Joss nap, before we head off for a half-day of sightseeing in Nanchang.

Nanchang is the capital of Jiangxi Province, where Joss is from. They believe that the families live a two-hour bike ride from the place where they are abandoned. Usually, the fathers take the child on the bike at around 3 am and ride as far as they can before the sun comes up at around 5. They drop the child before the city wakes up, and ride back.

Joss is from, Fuzhou, a city about two hours car ride from here. We will probably not get to visit as we have not been able to find out enough about her abandonment spot. More about our inability to get info later (when I'm back in the US).

Nanchang and Beijing are so different. In Beijing, every sign was in English and Mandarin and someone always spoke English. Not so here. We are in China. Took a trip to Walmart's yesterday and trying to find what we wanted was not impossible, but not always easy.

But the Chinese people are so friendly and willing and eager to help. It's a privilege to be here.

Oh. Another thing: Joss, and every other girl and boy adopted from China, while not holding Chinese passports, are considered Chinese citizens living abroad. So they will never be turned down for a visa and will always be afforded the rights of a Chinese citizen. Joss can own property and start a business here.

And speaking of that little devilish girl, she's a spitfire! You have never seen such a temper! And tantrums that take the energy of 10 children. She doesn't wear herself out and stop crying, or fall asleep, she keeps going! Tears and all and a very very loud voice!

The moment I pick her up (unfortunately, only Mommy will do during these times), she stops and laughs! What an actor! Not to mention, she loves looking at herself in the mirror. She could smile at her reflection all day.

We're also convinced she's a genius. She doesn't make the usual baby noises, mamamama or dadadada or bababa. None of those. She has her one word of "ba" and it means only that she wants her bottle. She'll see another type of bottle and think it is a "ba" but she wants her formula when she says this.

And this morning, she made the sign for "more." (Baby sign language.) She looked at me and then put her hands together (she can't articulate the fingers for this yet) but she knew what she was doing, and then said "ba." I got her bottle and she smiled, then drank. Her first sentence, in two languages. A baby polyglot.

Of course, she can't figure out how to get food to her mouth yet. She watches as we do it, but it hasn't all registered yet. And she's not that steady at sitting up. In most ways, she's such a baby. Not anywhere near toddler stage. Just a little little baby. She cries and sounds like a newborn (with giant lungs), and her little hands and feet are wrinkly. I wish she had a bit of a tummy, but it's non-existent.

She's got a very strong grip! She'll hold onto something, her spoon or a cheerio, and it stays there as she passes it back and forth between hands. None of that flipping where the utensil or food or whatever goes flying out. She'll collect Cheerios with one hand, forefinger and thumb, and put them into her other hand. Then she'll hold two or three Cheerios in that hand as long as she's eating. She doesn't let go once something's in her hand. Stubborn!

I'd better go pack up for the day before she and her daddy wake up. Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I love reading them (in my email as I am blocked from accessing some sites here, including the blog). But we are grateful for all your love and support.

Adoption Day

Joss is legally our child. We said that we would accept her and never abandon her. A few thumbprints, chops and signatures (with some money, both US dollars and RMB) and she is our daughter.

She had a hard time again. The passport photos are with the child sitting in a chair. Joss got distraught and so floppy, and couldn't sit up, so I had to hold her. I'm sure when we see her passport, she will have tears running down her face.

She did mostly seem to be a little stronger today. She was sitting a bit better, so maybe she's getting stronger already. And yesterday, when she took a bottle, she just did that random arm/leg movement that babies do. Today, she learned to hold the bottle herself. I was impressed by that.

And we figured out that she does have one word - "ba!" It's not "Dad" (Ba-ba is father in Mandarin). "Ba!" means bottle. I have no clue if it's something she was taught or learned. but even one word she knows and can use to get what she needs is great.

She's still a really little baby. She didn't sleep through the night (apparently usually gets up for a 3 am feeding). She was up at 1:30 for an hour or so, then got up at 5 again. I slept about two hours. Tonight is catch up night. We have some sightseeing planned, which is great, but only a half day. I'm looking forward to seeing the city (would be even better if my daughter doesn't scream). Nanchang is very different than Beijing where English is everywhere.

Not so here. Now I'm starting to feel like I'm in China.

People in the hotel (which is full of adoptive parents) come up to say hi with their new daughters, and they say, "Oh. This is the little baby." Joss is apparently the smallest baby around right now. They call her "L'il Bit" in our group, but they also say, "Oh, she's asleep. That's good." They've heard her tantrums enough!

I'd like to write more tonight, but I am about to fall over. Will hope to have more pix tomorrow.

Gotcha Day, Metcha Day, Forever Family Day ... Joss Day!

So, she's the feistiest little thing you can imagine. She threw the temper tantrum from hell when we got her! Wiggly, screaming little bundle. She was hot though and teething. I took off one layer of clothing (she came in two, even though it's in the 80s) and she calmed down.

More screaming later, until the magic of Oatios! (like Cheerios) She's got two teeth, but just gummed the Oatios to death. I nearly didn't bring them for lack of space, but am SOOO glad I did. She didn't want the bottle until after the food, and then suddenly she wanted it without caring what position she, or I, were in.

Looks like a baby ballerina to me.

She's very tiny. Only 14.3 pounds. The 3-6 month clothes I have are too big, though not too long. She seems long and skinny. Long skinny legs and little tiny hands. The infant size hat I have is too big. I guess she needs newborn size. She's by far smaller than everyone else, and by far louder and more active. You've never seen a strong wiggly baby like this one.

She's extremely alert. She watched everything on the bus and out the window. Her motor skills seem excellent as well. She can pick up her barette between forefinger and thumb with both hands and pass it back and forth. She can't quite figure out that she can put food in her mouth though. She'll pick up the Oatio's but not put them in her mouth. Just open like a baby bird.

She sits, but not that well. Definitely can use a little support and I don't think she's crawling. She wouldn't let me put her down long enough to tell though and she started screaming when I'd leave the room (when Daddy held her). She watches carefully, especially the other babies. Very interested in what the other kids are doing, though she doesn't follow their lead (they must all have been shell-shocked because they were sitting pretty complacently with their new parents. We got the only screamer. I'm sure they were giving thanks that they didn't get her, but we are giving thanks that we did. We love her spunk!)

She goes easily to Daddy and watches him intently. She looks so little in his arms, but he's very good with her. Gave her the second bottle, and she fell asleep in his arms. Yay!

We're in love.

Stamina

One of the fathers commented today that he thinks that all the activities they have us do while in Beijing, is a test. If we have enough stamina to get through the interminable plane flight, then the two endless days here, we just might be strong enough to take care of a baby.

Today was a very long day, and a lot of it was walking outside (and in the cold and rain this morning!)

We started off at an outdoor market. It used to be real antiques, now it’s mostly fun though I think there are some real goodies thrown in there. Everything from silks to porcelain to old swords to modern Vuitton knockoffs. Little jade pieces, snuff bottles – it is enormous and just overwhelming.

It’s all bargained for as well. Nothing should be more than $10 US. Small items, the size of a fist or smaller, would be $5 or less. But you have to bargain back and forth 3 times. So they might start out at $300 RMB. You counter with $10. They come back with $200. You say $20. They come down to $100. You say $40. That would be about $5 US. They say no, you walk away and they come running after you saying “yes.”

Or something like that.

Next was the Temple of Heaven. Even in the rain, the elderly were there practicing ballroom dancing, singing Chinese Opera, playing jianxi (a sort of hackysack), or tai-chi ball.

We walked all over the grounds which used to be used to ask the Gods of Heaven for good harvests. They haven’t been used for this purpose since the time of the Last Emperor.

This (pic on left) is the servants’ entrance.

Lunch was Beijing noodles at a local place. Incredible food. A large bowl of noodles, vegetables and a sauce was $1.25 (eat your hearts out J & B!).

They offered us our choice of 3 sauces: egg, sesame or meat. We all chose, and after the votes were tallied, including 3 egg, the waiter said, “No egg." So they switched to sesame. After another five minutes, he came out and said, “No sesame. You can have egg and tomato or eggplant.” We weren’t sure why the formerly unavailable egg was now available in combo with tomato, but our guide said there was no logic involved, just to please choose. So we did and it was delicious.

Then onto the Great Wall. I don’t know what to say. You’ve all seen photos. It’s more so in person. Our guide told us the North was more steps but they were very easy and that was the way most people chose. The South was fewer steps but much steeper.

So you know which way we chose. The road less traveled, especially one with a challenge. Fewer steps because some of them were at least 16 inches high. But amazing. And I loved that the vendors kept running after John to sell him any and everything. One woman called out, “You very handsome! Buy postcard?" Another man stuck a painting in front of John and said, “ThirtyTwenty?” Not even taking a breath before coming down 30 percent in price.

It was a workout though. And good because after, we went for Peking Duck. Peking Duck in Beijing.

The dads wanted to try Bai Jo (not sure of the spelling), a Chinese “wine.” It’s 56% alcohol, so just imagine. They toasted and then the mothers toasted. 9 of us only had half the bottle which held maybe 5 or 6 oz., and no one would have a drop more. So you can figure how tough this is.

And last, the Peking Acrobats.

It’s late so I’m going to try to get a little sleep. John’s been asleep for a few hours. My bet? The other fathers also hit their beds a while ago, but the mothers are up packing and pacing? Over lunch the other day, it came out that the mothers in this group did all the paperwork and the fathers all said they just signed wherever they were told to. None of them are disinterested in this adoption: they are equally nervous and excited and I hear them talking to each other counting down the hours. But they're much calmer and more relaxed than the mothers. I don't know if this is usual, but the mothers are all a bit more high-strung than the fathers in this group. It'll be crazy on the plane ride!

We’re out of here early tomorrow but have no idea what time we meet our children. Camera batteries are charged, bags packed. We’re as ready as we'll ever be.

Uncomplimentary

Just a word about the hotel.

It's a 5-star hotel. There are bathrobes and slippers, snacks and liquor, even bath salts and other healing salts made of "ancient Chinese herbs" for cleaning and restoring, um, certain parts of the body.

In the closet there socks.

But you have to look carefully. The socks, "Cleano" brand, are not free in case you forgot yours. The bath salts are not free to relax in after walking, say, the Great Wall.

These items are "uncomplimentary" and have a price on them.

So read carefully, or you may find yourself in an uncomplimentary mood when you check out.

Beijing

The morning was spent in an orientation about China and the adoption process. It wasn’t a part I was looking forward to, but turned out to be extremely interesting and made us all (five families) eager to come back to China when we can really experience more of it. Our objective this trip is a little different, but it was wonderful to have some background of the country, especially the area our children are from, and the culture. We also got a rundown of what the next two weeks will be like.

In the afternoon, we went to tour Hutong. We saw this old section of Beijing by pedicab. Poor bicyclists had to pedal us, two in each cab, around in the rain. (It was raining and cool today, so we were very glad we brought jackets!)

We were able to go into a classroom and see 6^th graders, some of whom got up to introduce themselves and welcome us to Beijing, in English. The children start learning English at 5 years old in China.

We also got to see the “massage” period. Twice a day, they do a short eye, temple and neck massage to music. This is because they study so hard, so it is part of their routine to help relieve tension. It only lasted about five minutes though, and then it was back to work.

Outside, we watched a bit of a rehearsal. Some 1^st graders were practicing for a performance in which each would play one of the five rings of the Olympics (Beijing is all about the Olympics in 2008. Construction is rampant with over 1100 cranes working in the city.). They were so attentive while still having fun. Their teacher had them do it over and over and they happily marched around and around, never losing energy or enthusiasm. Hmm… good lesson!

We were taken into a typical Hutong family home to see what daily life is like. This is the door to the bedroom of two older sisters (probably in their sixties), and another family room.

An added “extra” was seeing Beijing traffic on a Friday evening. There are 2,000 more cars on the road in Beijing every month! It’s amazing. Still haven’t seen any cars that are dinged or banged up in any way though. And on the roads right next to and in-between the Mercedes and BMWs are pedicabs and bicycles with chickens in cages on the backs.

Extremes are the norm in this city.

Tonight we met other adoptive families who are returning to China to tour. What a happy and generous group of people. Our families are all still so nervous that we are verging on hysterics!

In two days. In two days. In two days.

Our adoption facilitator (guide and translator), Mr. Li, said he has been doing this job for over ten years. As a result, he has become friendly with many of the orphanage directors.

He told us that Mr. Zhou, who head the Fuzhou SWI (Social Welfare Institute) is a friend of his. Two days ago, Mr. Li asked Mr. Zhou how the babies were doing that we were picking up this week and was told, “Very good!”

So that was a huge relief.

And I’ve gotten the name and phone of a possible guide in Nanchang who could take us to Fuzhou. Yay!

So far, so good.

We made it!

Got on the plane on Joss’s 9-month birthday! Everything seems to have significance these days.

Our internet connection is bad so it’ll have to be short until we get to Nanchang. Hoping they have a bit faster.

Leaving the dogs was hard. They both got very upset. Boris was frantic when he saw the car pull up and Ariel begged me to take her along. That’s been the worst part of the trip.

Lost my hat in the cab. Forgot maybe is the correct word, and it’s drizzly here. Oh well. New hat time!

And couldn’t find my hand lotion in my carryon, then obsessed about my dry hands! Same with the chapstick but at least had some lip gloss. Am all set for tomorrow though, yay.

And we got stopped only briefly at quarantine when they weren’t sure what was in my bag. I wasn’t either, so they looked in, but the first thing that popped out was a pink bra so they told me it must have been the bag of baby shampoos they saw. Travel tip: put lingerie at the top of your bag so they don’t look further!

Beijing looks like a mix of old and new. Tons of traffic and really bad air. We’ll see more tomorrow. Can’t wait to see the old section of town. We just sort of crashed in the room tonight. John’s happy that they have CNN!

Hopefully some pix and more descriptions tomorrow. (Not sure if any photos will upload at this speed.)

The fortune from my fortune cookie on the plane said: "Change is happening in your life, so go with the flow!"

Last

Last post before we get on that plane. It's been the craziest day. I thought I was under control, but I haven't stopped moving.

Finally, about done. We have a little time in the morning, but only a little and I'd actually like to squeeze a run in there too. Good for us, good for dogs.

I'm going to miss them terribly. We've had extra walks today and yesterday so I can just spend time with them. I'm sure everyone who has dogs and then has had a baby will tell me that the dogs really become second. I do hope not. They've been first for so long. And the more dogs, the more love. So I trust that there will be enough to go around. Jewel, my baby's JuJu, tells me that there is no way I won't love the dogs as much and that there will always be enough time and love for all. I know she would never steer me wrong!

Have a very few last items to pack. Should take me all of one minute. A bit more work on the computer. And then I'm out of here tomorrow.

At last.

A Rose by Any Other Name ...

What is in a name? Only everything, according to my Chinese grandmother. A name shapes a person.

So how do you choose a name for a child? Our child. And how many names is too many? How many letters are there on an application form? Will she run out before she finishes spelling her name?

Is it feminine enough? Is it modern enough? Is it traditional enough? Too strange? The questions and doubts go on forever.

And as soon as you tell people your choice, the opinions fly. Everyone has their views on everyone else’s child’s names. Maybe less so these days, in the age of unique and exotic baby names - Apple, Banjo, Nevaeh. We’ve actually had fewer remarks than I anticipated, but then again, I didn’t tell too many people until we had a picture and the deed was done. Once there is a face, it’s harder for people to say, “Oh, don’t call her that!” They see the face and the name sticks.

I’ve been choosing baby names since I was, oh, six? Seven? Doesn’t every little girl? It’s like saying your name with a boy’s last name that you like. I whispered my first name with lots of boys’ last names when I was in grade school. And tried more out as the years went on. But in the end, the last name I was born with felt right, so I’ve kept it.

Everyone should be able to choose or change their names when they hit, say, 21. Maybe your name fits you, but maybe not. Maybe you’d rather be an Anastasia. An Alexandra. A Germaine.

Who knows how Joss will feel. She’ll have her first name, two middle names (one of which is my last name) and her last name. And unofficially, there is the name she was given by the orphanage, and even some Chinese names chosen for her by my grandmother.

I have Chinese names too. My grandmother sent them for me when I was born. They aren’t legally mine, but I own them just the same.

When I asked Grandma Meng for a character for Joss, she came up with the above character, or Xiang. It translates to “fragrant.” I’m not sure how this is Joss, but you don’t argue with a Chinese grandmother.

But as my sister said, in the end, it doesn’t matter so much what her name is, legally or otherwise. It’s what we call her and how we say it. Joss by any other name will certainly sound as sweet …

Breath

I can’t breathe. Anxiety attacks galore! Exactly one week from now, we’ll be waking up in a hotel in Nanchang… with a baby. Life forever changed.

Tomorrow my “to do” list is massive. If I can get through that, maybe the oxygen will flow to my brain again. I’m making list upon list and hope to plow through them, but whether or not that will happen, I don’t know. It’s been relatively calm, we’ve had more than enough time for most of this, but there are always last minute tasks that can’t be done ahead of time. Laundry, vacuuming, auto-responders on email accounts, and so on. I'm moving non-stop through the day and not accomplishing enough. I need to stop and breathe.

I feel like we’ll be gone forever, but it’s really only two weeks. Why does it feel like four? Can so much change happen in just two weeks?

And in just one week? My breath will completely be taken away.

I can’t wait.

Baggage

We need less. Easier to travel if you're not lugging too much around.

I got almost everything into our two bags and my carry-on. Our other carry-on will have the laptop. But I haven't packed the camera, camcorder, nor the last minute whatevers. Well, I haven't packed some of the clothes either. I actually think we're going to be okay, but I may have to do some reshuffling tomorrow. I've never spent so much time packing, but this is a different sort of trip than any other.

Worked on my lists as well. Mostly the list for the dogsitters. What to do if there's lightning, what to do if they're sick, where they will sleep, what to do if you run into another big dog, how to let them approach dogs they know, how to figure it out what they're thinking. Because dogs, too, have baggage.

Better


Boris is better. Definitely!

He got up this morning, stretched and wagged his tail. Good sign!

(This is not him today, but if you imagine a big plastic collar around his head instead of the cool bandana... )

So kids are resilient. He's forgotten his anger even. Yesterday, when I took him out, he pulled to go back toward the area he got hurt. Even through his pain, he wanted revenge. Today, he was just happy to be out.

Like me. My other sister was in town. So even through NYC traffic, I was happy to be out. When you have someone you love in the car, bumper to bumper is nothing. (Okay. It's not nothing. It's something majorly irritating, but it is somewhat less so when you can have conversations over it and not worry (too much) about schedule.)

Schedules like what we received today for China. It is still not the ultimate, set-in-stone schedule, but probably close to it. Our travel guides have found a way for us to get to Fuzhou, but it is only a tour of local sites. A bus tour that we can take any time, any year. There will be no looking for the spot that someone left Joss (an electronics store). There will be no seeing the orphanage. Just local sights. Probably the new Walmarts that has recently opened.

And it's expensive. It seems like for that amount of money, we could hire a driver and a translator to take us on the two hour drive to investigate what little we know of Joss's story. I was hugely disappointed when I got the email this morning about the trip that might be.

However, through the miracle of the internet, I'm in contact with another mother picking up her "Fu." She will be traveling to Fuzhou, so I keep fingers crossed, and try not to let my heart get involved, that we can tag along with her.

We fully intend to take Joss back to China and we'll go to Fuzhou. But landscapes change. Especially city landscapes (if that isn't an oxymoron). So if there is ever a chance to find the "local electronics store" and find Xia Ying, who found Joss and took her to the Social Welfare Institute (SWI), this is it. In 5 years, in 10 years, the trail will be that much more blurred.

So we have our fingers crossed that we can give this little, not enough, bit of information to Joss. We'll find out soon. But for now, knowing there are options and possibilities, I feel better. And one day closer to Joss.

One of Those Days

We had one.

One of those days we all dread, but that ultimately remind us that while there is much to be scared of, there is always much more to be thankful for. (Something tells me this is bad sentence structure, but, whatever. Who cares?)

John went running this morning with the dogs and not five minutes in, called to say that Ariel had been attacked by a loose pit bull. Boris, in coming to her rescue, had been hurt.

Long story short (be glad), I spent the rest of the morning at the Animal Medical Center in NYC (best place ever!). Boris had to be sedated so he could be stitched up, but he came home. He has antibiotics and pain meds and solution so I can clean the area twice a day. And a collar so he can't lick the wound.

But he's home and so far, okay. Definitely in pain as he's been crying all afternoon. Did you know dogs have tears? At least he has. Actual tears have been running out of his eyes all afternoon. He's finally, gratefully, asleep.

It's not the way I wanted to leave the "kids" with our dogsitters, but since I'll be here for nearly a week, I hope to get him through the worst of this. He'll be off his pain meds by then. And only the first of our Angel Dogsitters will have to give him antibiotics and clean his wounds.

I called my friend on the way to the vet. I was shaking. Literally shaking, I was so upset. Kimba gave me a "phone hug" and also laughed along with me. Laughter is the best gift! I went in to the vet reassured. Where would we be without our friends?

And the police who came by later, were wonderful. And the owner of the other dog has been a real upstanding neighbor. We're lucky.

But it was one of those scary reminders of what parenthood could be. Will be. You can't protect your children from all that lurks out in the world. You can only be there to help them through it.

Later in the day, the doorbell rang. There was a package on the doorstep from my sister. Inside? The most beautiful Blessing Charm.

It is silver with a stylized heart. And it's on a red silk "thread." My red thread is here!

• "An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break." -- Ancient Chinese Belief

Countdown

We both woke up and said to each other, "One week." We are down to the final countdown. It feels like every day, every hour, we are closer to having our child.

It's supposed to be our "last week of freedom," but it feels more like our last week of being incomplete. We look in the nursery and see it's empty. We feel the empty place at the table. The car seat sits empty. Joss is missing.

I've heard of the "terrible twos." I know they exist. I know about temper tantrums. But I see how my friends get through this gracefully, and just hope that some of that will rub off on me too. And hope that Joss will have, as she looks, a good sense of humor. We're all about humor in this family!

We had our last travel meeting yesterday. All our paperwork is in order, bags nearly, okay, not that nearly, but sort of, packed. I should be able to do a bit each day and get on the plane in a relaxed state, but no doubt, I will forget something.

People told us that coming back through Hong Kong was not ideal. It entails checking out of the hotel in Guangzhou, back into another in HK, then getting up at the crack of dawn the next day to get to the airport. But we actually wanted to see HK and one of my dear friends -we call each other sisters - lives there. She has been saying since we started this whole process that she hoped to be able to see her "niece" when we were in China. So we were pleased to find that our travel agent had as one choice, travel through HK.

And today, another friend, emailed me that she would be in HK on business at that time! One of my soulmate friends. Forever and through everything. So it is all coming together. Joss will have two of her fairy godmothers to bless her before she gets on the plane to become an American.

So I see that as much as I have complained and cried and anguished over how long this has all taken, in the end, timing is everything. I just haven't understood that you can't rush a day or an hour, or even a minute. You can only live it.

Joss

Joss is Chinese slang that means "Luck" or "Fate." It is derived from the Portuguese word "Deus" or "God."

There are Joss Houses all over California and, in fact, all over the world. They are houses of worship.

Joss is our luck and our fate. I have been waiting for her for a long time. Before she was born, before I met John, maybe before I was born. It feels like Forever.

I have wanted to adopt since I was a young child. My mother told me what that meant and I knew that there were children that didn't have families. I wanted them.

But I was afraid. Parenthood is a daunting, frightening undertaking. There's vomit, there's poop, but worse, there is the gigantic task of being responsible for someone other than myself. And, too, there is the possibility of not turning out, in the end, a true and kind human being. There is nothing scarier than being a parent.

So it's taken a long time to get here. And then the process slowed down, so while we had originally thought we would have her home by Christmas 2005, that wasn't, so to speak, our Joss.

But finally, on March 29, 2006, we learned that the China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) had matched us with our child. She is in foster care, through the Fuzhou Social Welfare Institute. Because she is from the Fuzhou SWI, her current surname is Fu, which means, what else ... "Luck."

The rest of her name is Xiao Yuan. Xiao is "smile" and the final character, Yuan (has also been read as Ai) is "daughter" or "girl." Xiao Yuan, or Xiao Ai, together comes out as something like, "beautiful girl" or "happy daughter."

As it's unlikely her birth mother gave her this name, we will probably not use it legally, though of course, she will know what it is and it is hers to use or not when she gets older.

She was born August 24, 2005, Year of the Rooster. (August is the 8th month! 8 is lucky for Chinese!) She will be 9 months old when she becomes a member of our family.

She is reported to have an outgoing personalitiy, be obstinate, quick-tempered, active, quick, and adventurous. She likes to imitate and she likes music. I think she's a perfect match for this family! Everyone says that CCAA works magic. Now I believe them.

We'll be traveling to pick up Joss in a week and a half. We leave May 24th and we are back on June 7. May 28th, one year and one day from our Log In Date (LID) will be Joss Day. It's known as "Gotcha Day" or "Metcha Day" or "Family Day" or "Forever Family Day," whatever your family is comfortable and happy with. I'm not sure what that is for us yet, so for now, it's Joss Day.

Can't wait to get her and to get her back here to meet her grandfather, her brothers and her sisters, her cousins, her dogs, her Aunty Kimba, and all the other aunts and uncles and friends that have been so patient with us on this journey.

Everyone can use a little Joss in their lives. We're getting ours in 2 weeks!