Giving Thanks

As always, for my family.  If possible, I am even more grateful this year to be a member of such a loving group of people. 

We watched a bit of the Parade.  XX wasn't much interested ... until she saw a dance number. 

She pulled up a chair and enjoyed fully.

I now know how to get to both my sisters' homes.  My "getting lost" skills slightly outweigh my "getting there" skills, so this is major.  Formerly, we convened at Dad's house, now I visit Suzie and Steff regularly.  Today we had Thanksgiving dinner at Suzie's, the first time we've had this meal together in far too many years.  It was easy, fun, relaxed and perfect.  XX had a fantastic time bothering Carver.  He was wonderfully patient and playful.

I am grateful to China for granting me a daughter who is more than I ever could have dreamed.  She puts magic into every moment.

And grateful to have found my life partner.  He's been a rock.

By chance and by choice, I am part of an amazing family.  Definitely a reason to give thanks on this Thanksgiving Day.

Hope you all had a wonderful time enjoying Family, Friends and Food!!!

Happy

We're all happy that school has been not only good, but great. XX is embracing the challenges thrown at her and as a result, has blossomed. Her teacher looks joyous rather than apprehensive when she sees us.  I so appreciate her willingness to change with my child. I've gotten not only wonderful quick before-school meetings, but amazing notes with all good behaviors. Nearly a 180 turn-around on not only XX's part, but her teacher's.

XX's teacher says XX gets everything almost immediately. She's into math, knows cursive writing after two days, and is writing and reading well.  Although still loud and exuberant, she is not loudly out of control.   

I do admit to hearing my child's voice when I go to pick her up.  Doors closed, I still know she's in there.  She's telling everyone what to do, where to stand.  Before she leaves, she asks who wants a hug from her and she happily goes around spreading love.

She still pushes to find her boundaries.  She loves to tell her teacher that she (XX) is the one in charge.  But she'll now settle down when told this is not the way it goes in the classroom.

What's best is that this change at school hasn't come at a cost to us at home, nor has it diminished her effervescence.  She's able to behave at school and at home.  This afternoon, she carefully peeled the sweet potatoes for tomorrow's dinner, then cleaned up afterwards.  She can keep herself mostly under control when we're out and anyone looks at her (which happens everywhere as she goes out of her way to talk to people, compliment them, ask them questions - lots of questions).  Instead of going off the deep end for attention, she's polite, funny and still engaging.  She makes people laugh, ask how she has so much energy, and compliment me, without horrifying anyone by being over the top hyper.  When I say "stop flailing," she halts immediately and usually now, she catches herself before I say a thing.  She's not whacking into anything or anyone.  I'm reminding her less and less to keep her limbs under control.  Perhaps ballet class has something to do with this also but I think it's just a general awareness of others and not just her own body.

She's still her same crazy self.  It's like the obnoxiousness has been removed and the exuberance all left behind.  She is the sunniest child, the funniest child.

In the sunniest of climates.  Sunny and warm, it's no surprise that we had visitors yesterday afternoon. 

The turkeys were confidently hanging out in the front yard, then went strolling down the street two days before what will certainly be a Happy Thanksgiving.

Progress

I hope. After another long meeting with the school director, it's been resolved that XX will not be sent home again. Instead, they're going to try to keep her challenged. Just what we've been suggesting since the beginning, and frankly, why we've chosen this school.

This is going to be work on their part, I'm sure, but so far, so good. She's apparently whizzing through the math and the reading, and has had some great days at school this week. Partly, this is because her cohort in crime, another very high energy and very happy child, has not been in school.  The test will be when he comes back.

This is the two of them at a recent party.

But still, she seems satisfied, and what is lovely, is that her time at home is spent more in creative projects and imaginative play.  It feels right that she is not frantically searching for knowledge at all hours of the day.  She's working her brain at school, and coming home to stretch in another way, rather than playing unproductively and disruptively at school and begging for academics at home.

She's four, after all.

On other fronts, she's obsessed with babies and what she was like as a baby.  She appropriates everyone else's little sisters and loves to help babies at playgrounds.  She can't hear enough about China and what she was like as a baby.  

Her fashion sense also progresses.

She's been doing really well at ballet and amazingly, after her class is done, she watches the big girls in class until they are done.  Big girls meaning the teens who are on a professional track.  XX listens and watches carefully, asking appropriate questions and incredibly, being quiet. 

She's sleeping a lot more lately.  Two hour naps.  I'm sure I'm going to get up one morning and find a child who is six inches taller. 

When Daddy offers her some of his lunch, she checks the ravioli carefully, then asks for the brussel sprouts.  Ever surprising. 

Ever XiaoXiao.

XX Says ...

She's just beginning to talk about "real" and "not real."  As in her stuffed penguin (qǐ é) is not real.  And yet, at 5 am, I hear this:  "Qǐ é? Are you awake?  (pause)   Do you want to play?"

I love the way the English language is settling, or not, in her brain.  "That tree is so far away. The sign is close away."

"Ariel is listening to me, Mum. And I'm listening to you. Wow. Two Chinese girls are listening today." (Wow, indeed.)

"Daddy, I'm a Chinese girl and Mum is a Chinese girl. You are not. But you could pretend to be a Chinese girl." Daddy said he did not want to pretend to be a girl. "But you could." He acknowledged that indeed, he could, but reiterated, he did not want to even pretend to be a Chinese girl. XX pressed on.  "But if you did, then you would not be a dad. You'd be a mum.  (A pause to think about this.)  Well, then would I have two mums?" Both she and Daddy looked very confused at this conversation.

"Maybe we can teach Daddy to play Candyland.  (pause and screwed up face)  But I don't know if he can learn.  He's not Chinese."  

On our walk on the levee, we find lots of "critter holes." "That one might be for sōng shǔ (squirrel). This one is bigger. Maybe for tù zi (bunnies). And that's a really big critter hole. Must be for a jackrabbit. (pause) Or a horse."

To the checkout woman at Target: "Do you want to see the pretty shoes my mum is buying for me? They're shiny." (Thanks, Chrissie, for teaching her the magpie ways.) The woman oohed and ahhed properly. "Yes, my mum said I could have these pretty shoes but that pretty is not the most important thing. Behavior is more important. We have to have good behavior and BEHAVE pretty, not worry about to BE pretty." Pause. "I don't behave pretty all the time. I'm working on it, but I don't always do it. No. Not yet." (And actually, except for at school, I'd say she is better than most people, big or small.)

XX loves when packages arrive.  She looks to see who they are for and then who they are from.  On seeing that one was Juju: "It's definitely for me, Mum. Juju loves you, yes.  But she doesn't send you packages.  Yep.  It's for me."

John and I were talking about the cost of carrying two houses at the moment. XX raised her hand and when it was her turn to speak, she said, "Even big people can't carry two houses. Houses are sticked in the ground and they can't move. I think so they're very very heavy. No. You can't carry two houses." (No truer words.)

XX: "Mum? How old are you?"
Me: "Six."
XX: "No! You don't look like you're six yet!" (She found this very funny. I found it very sweet and wonder if perhaps I should have her eyes tested.)
Me: "Five."
XX: "NO! You're too big for five!"
Me: "Five and a half."
XX: "Yes. I think so. You're five and a half."

XX:  "We don't ask for all. We share. (pause)  But I can get a little more than everyone else."
Me:  "Why?"
XX:  "Because I ASK for a little more."

And my favorite: 

When the pediatrician asked what she wanted to do when she got big, XX was quick to answer. "Love my mum."   :-)

Oh, I hope so!

Not Exactly

XiaoXiao's school report was not exactly what a parent wants to hear. These words stuck out: "I really want to make this work and I know you do, too." Implying my daughter was on the verge of being expelled. At age four.  Not quite what I expected.

Her teacher told me that the past few weeks, XX hasn't been well-focused, she doesn't seem to learn or concentrate or work independently. None of these are how I would describe XX. She is excellent at working by herself, choosing challenging jobs, and her focus is beyond belief, almost to the point of worry. Moreover, the past few weeks is exactly the time period where John and I have noticed gigantic leaps in her behavior and the complexity of her questions and focus at home.

So it was strange to hear this from her teacher.

But as the meeting went on, her teacher remembered: there were some comments on XX written by the school accreditor. The woman was there to watch the teachers, but had two pages on XX alone. The lowdown was the accreditor said XX is extraordinary... and in capital letters, and framed, "XX IS BORED."  Exactly what John and I have been saying for four months.

XX's need for stimulation isn't being met, so she's creating her own. This was reiterated by the school director who has taken a special interest in XX.

Whew! Not the worst thing I could hear. This school director totally "gets" XX's humor. She sees my daughter, not just the behavior.  She told me that XX said to her, "Yes, I'll work with you .. IF you'll give me a new lesson."  Hungry for knowledge.

So I'm hopeful once more that this school thing can work out.  If not, we're researching alternatives.  XX tells me often that no one was available to help her with a new lesson or that she was told she's "not ready" for a lesson.  She's more than ready, she's beyond.  The accreditor and the school director both say that they cannot use traditional teaching methods with XX, she needs more more more.

In other parts of her life, she's still eating some of her Halloween candy.  I'm not sure how this is working as we only hit five houses and she's shared a lot with me, but she reminded me that Grandma HuaHua and Grandpa Jim sent her a box of treats as well.  This is true, but it wasn't that big box.  A little snack-sized packet of M&Ms lasted over a week.   

She's started ballet again.  She did a fantastic job.  I cried watching how well she was able to listen and do the steps. 

She not only helps unload the dishwasher, she loads it after dinner.  She helped me plant 140 bulbs in the garden this afternoon.  She plays board games and exclaims, "Good game, Daddy!" whether or not she wins. She folds laundry, she is into everything and I mean that in the very best of ways.  I never worry when it is quiet; that means she is working on a project of her own doing.  Cutting, gluing, sewing, writing, reading.  She is always busy, always focused.

So when I think about her school report, I have to wonder if this is the right school for my child.  Perhaps, not exactly.

Happy Halloween

We certainly had one and hope you did, too.

We made a penguin-o-lantern.

We also made a "regular" jack-o-lantern, but XX decided it needed a forehead and two arms. She carved the pieces herself out of another squash.

Boris and Ariel got bug hats. Boris really disliked his.

We finally went out trick-or-treating when XX could wait no longer. I was prepared to take her around the block, but she only wanted to go to a few houses, three neighbors we know and two we don't. And then she proclaimed it, "Enough."

We took her stash home, she ate three pieces, and we watched about 15 minutes of a movie. Then she wanted to have a story and go to bed. One chapter and she was out, thoroughly satisfied with the day.

Couldn't ask for more.